1. bikes, bikes, bikes, bike lanes that are like their own streets, kids on bikes, parents on bikes with kids, bikes left unlocked on the sidewalks (trust!), road bikes, cruiser bikes, bikes with baskets and bikes with bells. did i mention bikes?
2. pretty, simple, symmetrical architecture; spires and steep roofs and colorful facades.
3. tivoli gardens = amazing, even without riding any of the rides. churros with chocolate sauce are my new favorite food. and i wish they celebrated christmas with this much flair back home.
4. lots of really beautiful people with unusually colored eyes and easy smiles.
5. little kids in snow onesies, mittens and hats.
6. canals of dark green water.
7. cool grafitti that i can't read at all.
8. an exchange rate that causes considerable confusion.
9. christmas lights, cold wind, cobblestones, and cheese for breakfast.
10. protest (?) marches accompanied by homemade music (drums, maracas, and clapping hands), accompanied by dancing and banners that i couldn't understand.
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Tuesday, December 09, 2008
UWIN 2008 and first farewells
this weekend marked the first "end" of something for me here in england. i competed in the university women's indoor ultimate nationals: had a lot of fun, played some excellent ultimate, and found myself in tears sunday evening as i came to realization that this is the first of many endings for me here. there are a hundred and one reasons why i'm excited to be so close to coming home, but i've been starting to realize lately all of the things i will miss when i leave as well. this has been an interesting and encouraging and emotional realization for me. in a lot of ways, i hadn't realized how attached i have become to some things here--i didn't expect it to hurt so much, but it does. and at the same time that it hurts, it makes me feel good too, because i know that it means that i have made real connections here. it's another instance of perspective being the key, and a bittersweet taste on the tongue being the outcome.
random fling, 6th place finishers at UWIN 2008: (top row) rachel, myself, freesia, (middle row) rosie, anna, (bottom row) emily, sophie, and caroline.
the absolute best thing about my time here in nottingham and at the university, has been playing ultimate with these girls. my time on the pitch here has been challenging, encouraging, educational, and above all else fun. the women's ultimate team here is my niche: it's the place where i feel most like myself, where i've been most able to be fully present to where i am, it's been my escape and my release when i've needed one, it's where i've grown, it's where i've met people that i admire and who inspire me, and with whom i have come to be friends. so (as you might imagine), after spending two whole days linked in a common goal as a team, playing some really excellent ultimate, and finishing the weekend as the 6th ranked team in the UK, i found myself shocked at the harsh reality that the season was over. shock is the right word. i had failed to realize that this was the last time i'd play with freesia, anna, rachel, caroline, rosie, emily, and sophie. no more tuesday night practices, no more goofy sideline dances, no more high fives and hugs after hard-fought points. it was amazing, but now it's over. and that's hard.
i know that when i get back to linfield, i will have fun playing ultimate with my friends there... but i will miss being serious about the sport. there's no doubt that i enjoy just chucking around with friends, or playing games that are more a competition to see who gets muddiest than a chance to grasp a new tactic... but i'll miss working out, drilling, really running, and working hard 4 days a week to improve my game. i'll miss (our captain) sophie's criticism, advice, and encouragement more than i can say. she has both pushed me and believed in me so much since i joined the team, and i contribute most of my progress here to being able to play with, and attempt to emulate, her. i've come to really love the sport of ultimate in my time here playing with random fling, and that is something i know that i can bring home with me.
myself and sophie following the awards ceremony at UWIN
and so the first farewell of many. classes end for me this thursday, although that is certainly not something that will be met with an emotional farewell. but i fly to denmark on friday morning, which means really that i only have maybe 2 weeks total that i will be in nottingham before i'm flying home. that's another strange truth that recently struck. i'm going to have to say goodbye to my favorite spot in the city: the cafe nero in beeston. i'll only have to walk over that dratted hill in the downs perhaps another 6 or 7 times before i leave. i'll only have to eat hall meals dominated by bread and potatoes for a few more evenings. and it's all so surreal.
i've spent so much time trying to get accustomed to this place, and being irritated with it's little frustrations... but now i'm starting to look at them with a sort of nostalgia. it's not that i'll miss the terrible food necessarily, but it has been a part of my experience here, and therefore is now looked at with a sort of fond amusement. i think the slow process of letting go has begun, and with it is coming a greater tolerance for things that once drove me nuts, and a sadness at having to say goodbye to things that i really do love here. and overriding it all is a sense of accomplishment: because this is happening right now, i've realized that i have made good use of my time here. i've finally stopped trying to compare myself to other people here: stopped wondering if i would have met more people if i'd fallen in more with the culture here (if i had drunk and partied a little more, been a bit less of a hermit, maybe not have traveled every weekend), stopped feeling like i might be missing out on something. instead i'm realizing just how much i have learnt, accomplished, and experienced since being here, and i'm feeling a bit in awe of it all.
best of all, i feel like all of these realizations are coming at just the right time. they've come before i leave for my european adventures, before i (no matter how greatly anticipated) begin to gradually reconnect with home by spending time with daniel, and then by erik's arrival and our time together here. this way, i get to own my time here a little bit more. i get to look around and say, "hey, look what i did... all on my own, in different country, 5000 miles away from home." this experience will forever be something that i did, something i can be proud of, and something that i can better share with all of the people that i love. and i also get to savour these last days i have here in nottingham, feeling content with my experience, entirely free to enjoy it, and all the more excited for the new adventures that are rapidly approaching. yay! :)
and i think (and hope) that when the time comes for me to come home, i'll be able to leave feeling content, without regrets, and with a sweet anticipation of what another new period of my life will have to offer, even if i leave a bit of myself here.
b
random fling, 6th place finishers at UWIN 2008: (top row) rachel, myself, freesia, (middle row) rosie, anna, (bottom row) emily, sophie, and caroline.the absolute best thing about my time here in nottingham and at the university, has been playing ultimate with these girls. my time on the pitch here has been challenging, encouraging, educational, and above all else fun. the women's ultimate team here is my niche: it's the place where i feel most like myself, where i've been most able to be fully present to where i am, it's been my escape and my release when i've needed one, it's where i've grown, it's where i've met people that i admire and who inspire me, and with whom i have come to be friends. so (as you might imagine), after spending two whole days linked in a common goal as a team, playing some really excellent ultimate, and finishing the weekend as the 6th ranked team in the UK, i found myself shocked at the harsh reality that the season was over. shock is the right word. i had failed to realize that this was the last time i'd play with freesia, anna, rachel, caroline, rosie, emily, and sophie. no more tuesday night practices, no more goofy sideline dances, no more high fives and hugs after hard-fought points. it was amazing, but now it's over. and that's hard.
i know that when i get back to linfield, i will have fun playing ultimate with my friends there... but i will miss being serious about the sport. there's no doubt that i enjoy just chucking around with friends, or playing games that are more a competition to see who gets muddiest than a chance to grasp a new tactic... but i'll miss working out, drilling, really running, and working hard 4 days a week to improve my game. i'll miss (our captain) sophie's criticism, advice, and encouragement more than i can say. she has both pushed me and believed in me so much since i joined the team, and i contribute most of my progress here to being able to play with, and attempt to emulate, her. i've come to really love the sport of ultimate in my time here playing with random fling, and that is something i know that i can bring home with me.
myself and sophie following the awards ceremony at UWINand so the first farewell of many. classes end for me this thursday, although that is certainly not something that will be met with an emotional farewell. but i fly to denmark on friday morning, which means really that i only have maybe 2 weeks total that i will be in nottingham before i'm flying home. that's another strange truth that recently struck. i'm going to have to say goodbye to my favorite spot in the city: the cafe nero in beeston. i'll only have to walk over that dratted hill in the downs perhaps another 6 or 7 times before i leave. i'll only have to eat hall meals dominated by bread and potatoes for a few more evenings. and it's all so surreal.
i've spent so much time trying to get accustomed to this place, and being irritated with it's little frustrations... but now i'm starting to look at them with a sort of nostalgia. it's not that i'll miss the terrible food necessarily, but it has been a part of my experience here, and therefore is now looked at with a sort of fond amusement. i think the slow process of letting go has begun, and with it is coming a greater tolerance for things that once drove me nuts, and a sadness at having to say goodbye to things that i really do love here. and overriding it all is a sense of accomplishment: because this is happening right now, i've realized that i have made good use of my time here. i've finally stopped trying to compare myself to other people here: stopped wondering if i would have met more people if i'd fallen in more with the culture here (if i had drunk and partied a little more, been a bit less of a hermit, maybe not have traveled every weekend), stopped feeling like i might be missing out on something. instead i'm realizing just how much i have learnt, accomplished, and experienced since being here, and i'm feeling a bit in awe of it all.
best of all, i feel like all of these realizations are coming at just the right time. they've come before i leave for my european adventures, before i (no matter how greatly anticipated) begin to gradually reconnect with home by spending time with daniel, and then by erik's arrival and our time together here. this way, i get to own my time here a little bit more. i get to look around and say, "hey, look what i did... all on my own, in different country, 5000 miles away from home." this experience will forever be something that i did, something i can be proud of, and something that i can better share with all of the people that i love. and i also get to savour these last days i have here in nottingham, feeling content with my experience, entirely free to enjoy it, and all the more excited for the new adventures that are rapidly approaching. yay! :)
and i think (and hope) that when the time comes for me to come home, i'll be able to leave feeling content, without regrets, and with a sweet anticipation of what another new period of my life will have to offer, even if i leave a bit of myself here.
b
Thursday, December 04, 2008
a (mostly) alternative grand tour
well, i've officially booked my entire trip, i have my rail pass in hand, i've started packing, and i'm itching to get out of town! here's a quick look at my plans for break! :)
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12 december: fly from london to copenhagen (denmark)
12-15 december: copenhagen with katie
12-15 december: copenhagen with katie
15-16 december: night train from copenhagen to amsterdam (the netherlands)
16-17 december: amsterdam with katie
16-17 december: amsterdam with katie
17 december: train to bruges (belgium)
17-21 december: bruges with katie
17-21 december: bruges with katie
21/22(?) december: a long, long train ride to innsbruck (austria)
21/22 december- 2 january: innsbruck with daniel
28 december: erik arrives!
21/22 december- 2 january: innsbruck with daniel
28 december: erik arrives!
2 january: train to venice (italy)
2-5 january: venice with erik
2-5 january: venice with erik
5 january: train to florence
5-6 january: florence with erik
5-6 january: florence with erik
6 january: train to riomaggiore
6-11 january: riomaggiore (in cinque terra) with erik
11 january: fly back to notts
12 january: take an exam and turn in two papers... oh boy...
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6-11 january: riomaggiore (in cinque terra) with erik
11 january: fly back to notts
12 january: take an exam and turn in two papers... oh boy...
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some things i'm really looking forward to:
--so many cities with canals :)
--visiting christiania (a huge, well established commune) in copenhagen
--taking a night train
--getting lost in amsterdam (and everywhere else i'm going)
--trying belgian beer
--real snow
--getting to spend the holidays with daniel
--random adventuring with daniel (including the milk-o-mat)
--erik coming!
--seeing gondolas in real life
--david (he's a famous statue or something like that)
--italian food = yum
--long walks along the mediterranean in cinque terra
--more daylight (well, for at least part of the trip. yay for going south!)
--meeting new people in hostels
--taking lots of pictures, but hopefully not too many
--getting to linger in places
--lazy days and sleeping in
--cooking! (the hostel erik and i booked in riomaggiore is more like an apartment)
--more train rides :) i love trains!
--amazing time with amazing friends
some things i think will be, well, interesting:
--language barriers (especially when finding food/ordering food, since it's been an experience even here in the UK)
--amsterdam (because it's amsterdam)
--all day train ride by myself to innsbruck (again, the language thing)
--weather (COLD. i hope i don't freeze...)
--trying to write 2 papers and study for an exam when i'm on the road
i will be bringing my laptop along on my travels, and will try to keep my blog updated while i'm traveling, but i can't guarantee anything. i should be able to update when i get to innsbruck, if not before. and i'll try to be sure to upload some pictures to picasa if nothing else, so check them out!
cheers,
b
--so many cities with canals :)
--visiting christiania (a huge, well established commune) in copenhagen
--taking a night train
--getting lost in amsterdam (and everywhere else i'm going)
--trying belgian beer
--real snow
--getting to spend the holidays with daniel
--random adventuring with daniel (including the milk-o-mat)
--erik coming!
--seeing gondolas in real life
--david (he's a famous statue or something like that)
--italian food = yum
--long walks along the mediterranean in cinque terra
--more daylight (well, for at least part of the trip. yay for going south!)
--meeting new people in hostels
--taking lots of pictures, but hopefully not too many
--getting to linger in places
--lazy days and sleeping in
--cooking! (the hostel erik and i booked in riomaggiore is more like an apartment)
--more train rides :) i love trains!
--amazing time with amazing friends
some things i think will be, well, interesting:
--language barriers (especially when finding food/ordering food, since it's been an experience even here in the UK)
--amsterdam (because it's amsterdam)
--all day train ride by myself to innsbruck (again, the language thing)
--weather (COLD. i hope i don't freeze...)
--trying to write 2 papers and study for an exam when i'm on the road
i will be bringing my laptop along on my travels, and will try to keep my blog updated while i'm traveling, but i can't guarantee anything. i should be able to update when i get to innsbruck, if not before. and i'll try to be sure to upload some pictures to picasa if nothing else, so check them out!
cheers,
b
Monday, December 01, 2008
where giants walk
at the giant's causeway
the cliff-top path steals your breath
with vistas and whistling wind.
your skin numbs in the cold exhale--
tinged with the salty-fresh of the sea,
but the heart springs to life,
shocked by that blustery flow
and the thrill of green.
walking that narrow path--
simple sand and rock underfoot
and all around a wonder,
you know why this place has that name:
the causeway.
careful, ye, there be giants here,
and they built a path into the sea.
(don't be tempted)
b
to see other photos from the antrim coast and giant's causeway (there's a lot of them), go to http://picasaweb.google.com/beth.satt. :)
the final country of four
my last jaunt inside of the UK was to belfast, the capital of northern ireland. katie and i giggled to ourselves while booking this trip, because going there means that we've been to every country in the united kingdom: england, wales, scotland and northern ireland. if that isn't proof of the incredible amount of travel i've already been able to do, i don't know what else is.
our decision to go to belfast was pretty much made on a whim, and so i had no idea what to expect from this northerly city. the pictures we glanced at boasted some lovely architecture, and the internet promised us the standard fare of galleries, cathedrals, shopping centers, etc. what i found in belfast was a friendly and accessible city full of markets, cafes, and turbulent history.
i knew it was going to be a good weekend from the moment that our ryan air plane cleared the grey gloom that had hung over nottingham all day, and we burst into a tangerine world. sunset on a cloud horizon, on our way to a new city on a new island, seemed to me to be an auspicious start. then, moments after landing in belfast city airport, katie and i had managed to find the bus stop for the route that would take us to the city center, and were chatting away with a middle aged woman who was also waiting for the bus. she, as people always are, was curious about what we (two americans, from opposite sides of the country) were doing in belfast, and tickled to see someone from so far away chosing her home city as a weekend adventure. she was returning from taking a course over in england, and her son was picking her up at the central bus station (where we would end up). she asked us if we knew how we were getting to our hostel, and when our reply was "oh, we're walking there," she offered us a ride. i replied almost too quickly with a "that would be wonderful!" i like belfast already...
not only did she and her son drop us off literally at the door of our hostel, but as we drove through town, pointed out at least a half-dozen places that we should try to visit while we were there. katie and i struggled to remember names as the conversation proceeded at top speed and with thick accents. we smiled and nodded a lot, and thanked them profusely for the ride. "enjoy belfast!" they said in parting. and we did.
reasons i loved my weekend in belfast:
1. our fantastic welcome to the city!
2. amazing hostel with fireplaces (!!!)
3. really interesting history
4. variety markets and christmas markets
5. solo adventures up the coast
6. friendly locals and hostel guests
7. real down time (i read two books while i was there)
8. choral service in st. anne's cathedral
9. i got to cook dinner!
10. interesting conversations with total strangers
11. the free exchange book shelf in our hostel
12. making fun of corn-ball UK television shows
13. cafes were to be found literally around every corner
city hall in the daytime. it's a beautiful building.
inside st. anne's cathedral. katie and i attended a choral service on sunday, and it was lovely.
this photo was taken during our black cab tour of the city. much of our tour was dedicated to the war between the protestants and catholics in this country, and the history lesson was sobering. the ceasefire in this conflict was only negotiated in the mid 1990s: there is still a wall between the catholic and protestant sides of the city, and the gates are still shut every night because the two sides still don't trust each other. this picture was taken on the protestant side. it was one of the coldest, loneliest, heaviest places i have ever been.
st. george's variety market. you could buy almost anything here, from granny underwear, to olives and quail eggs. i bought vintage postcards from a lady whose accent was so thick that i could hardly understand the price she said, and a book on life in the irish countryside.
the christmas market at night. there was fudge, mulled wine, crepes, candy, lots of lights, and crowds.
there is really something about the northerly parts of this country. i don't know if it is because it's colder, darker, wilder there... but the people there come together more than i've seen elsewhere. the draw of a coal fire on a freezing cold night is too much to resist, and seems to encourage conversation. i hope to come back to these northern places (ireland and scotland both) again someday, because they have made me feel at home in a way nowhere else here has.
b
our decision to go to belfast was pretty much made on a whim, and so i had no idea what to expect from this northerly city. the pictures we glanced at boasted some lovely architecture, and the internet promised us the standard fare of galleries, cathedrals, shopping centers, etc. what i found in belfast was a friendly and accessible city full of markets, cafes, and turbulent history.
i knew it was going to be a good weekend from the moment that our ryan air plane cleared the grey gloom that had hung over nottingham all day, and we burst into a tangerine world. sunset on a cloud horizon, on our way to a new city on a new island, seemed to me to be an auspicious start. then, moments after landing in belfast city airport, katie and i had managed to find the bus stop for the route that would take us to the city center, and were chatting away with a middle aged woman who was also waiting for the bus. she, as people always are, was curious about what we (two americans, from opposite sides of the country) were doing in belfast, and tickled to see someone from so far away chosing her home city as a weekend adventure. she was returning from taking a course over in england, and her son was picking her up at the central bus station (where we would end up). she asked us if we knew how we were getting to our hostel, and when our reply was "oh, we're walking there," she offered us a ride. i replied almost too quickly with a "that would be wonderful!" i like belfast already...
not only did she and her son drop us off literally at the door of our hostel, but as we drove through town, pointed out at least a half-dozen places that we should try to visit while we were there. katie and i struggled to remember names as the conversation proceeded at top speed and with thick accents. we smiled and nodded a lot, and thanked them profusely for the ride. "enjoy belfast!" they said in parting. and we did.
reasons i loved my weekend in belfast:
1. our fantastic welcome to the city!
2. amazing hostel with fireplaces (!!!)
3. really interesting history
4. variety markets and christmas markets
5. solo adventures up the coast
6. friendly locals and hostel guests
7. real down time (i read two books while i was there)
8. choral service in st. anne's cathedral
9. i got to cook dinner!
10. interesting conversations with total strangers
11. the free exchange book shelf in our hostel
12. making fun of corn-ball UK television shows
13. cafes were to be found literally around every corner
city hall in the daytime. it's a beautiful building.
inside st. anne's cathedral. katie and i attended a choral service on sunday, and it was lovely.
this photo was taken during our black cab tour of the city. much of our tour was dedicated to the war between the protestants and catholics in this country, and the history lesson was sobering. the ceasefire in this conflict was only negotiated in the mid 1990s: there is still a wall between the catholic and protestant sides of the city, and the gates are still shut every night because the two sides still don't trust each other. this picture was taken on the protestant side. it was one of the coldest, loneliest, heaviest places i have ever been.
st. george's variety market. you could buy almost anything here, from granny underwear, to olives and quail eggs. i bought vintage postcards from a lady whose accent was so thick that i could hardly understand the price she said, and a book on life in the irish countryside.
the christmas market at night. there was fudge, mulled wine, crepes, candy, lots of lights, and crowds.there is really something about the northerly parts of this country. i don't know if it is because it's colder, darker, wilder there... but the people there come together more than i've seen elsewhere. the draw of a coal fire on a freezing cold night is too much to resist, and seems to encourage conversation. i hope to come back to these northern places (ireland and scotland both) again someday, because they have made me feel at home in a way nowhere else here has.
b
Friday, November 28, 2008
reflections on the start of the holiday season
i think that there is a real reason to cling to and fight for the oftentimes lost traditions of the holiday season. today, where christmas begins in october (or even earlier), thanksgiving is forgotten in the shadow of "black friday" (and is reduced to an excuse for gluttony), and much of december will be lost to the commercial world as we rush hither and tither in search of "gifts," the spirit of the season is too often drowned out. there is a lot of chatter about charity and thankfulness, and lots of mass-produced cards will be sent across great distances with wishes of "peace on earth" or "joy" printed on the front. but, to my mind, those things too often ring false. there is a difference between a sentiment printed on paper a thousand times over and one that is written just once on your heart.
we need to learn (or remember) at this time of year that the value the season is not to be found in shopping malls or anything else so artificial and mass produced. instead, it is to be found in the faces of friends, the warmth of a hearth, the laughter of family, and the smells of multi-generational recipies once again working their magic in the kitchen. this time of year is a time for family, no matter how scattered, to return home and share a few special days together. it's a reason to pause and reflect; to use history and religion as lenses through which to see our own small lives in a greater perspective. it's a time for celebrating the simple joys of good food and good company. and more than anything else, it is a time to be reminded of everything we have to be grateful for.
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it is exceedingly strange to be entering the holiday season so many miles away from home. yesterday was thanksgiving, but here was just another day. it would have been very easy for me to let it pass without the normal amount of reflection that comes from the ritual of celebration at home, and it nearly did. but then, i came back to my room after a long and enjoyable day, and back to the realization of all that i was missing out on by not being at home right now. then, instead of being struck down by melancholy (though there were a few pangs) i thought of the reason why i am not home this year, and was struck by how amazing my life is sometimes. this is truly one of those times. here's a short list that i jotted down last night of things that i have to be grateful for. many of them are things that i have only discovered since being here, others have been confirmed through my experience of distance, and others are simply true.
i am thankful for, in no particular order:
1. hats that keep the rain off of my glasses
2. long letters, and short ones too
3. home cooking
4. my healthy body
5. friends who love me and support me across thousands of miles
6. having a place to call my own, even if i'm not there right now
7. my brother's ridiculous sense of humor
8. my dad's quiet fortitude
9. the opportunity to be here in england, and soon traveling in europe as well
10. trains
11. frisbees
12. skype
13. good music
14. chocolate
15. uncontrollable laughter
16. erik
17. my mom's wisdom
18. air mail
19. that my sister is getting the chance to put herself out in the world, all on her own
20. my extended family that continues to encourage and inspire me
21. this good earth, and all the gifts that it provides for us
22. stunning vistas
23. cold wind
24. loneliness and tears
25. new friends
26. my unconventional childhood
27. books
28. caffe nero and its amazing coffee
29. poetry (read, written, shared)
30. my journal and my writing notebook
31. tights worn under jeans
32. people's capacity for beauty and kindness
33. scarves and peacoats
34. having a home to return to when this period of my life comes to a close, as it is rapidly doing
i hope that you all find yourselves overwhelmed with gratitude for your own lives and all that they encompass, here at the opening of this special season. may that sentiment carry through the rest of the holiday season, and not be lost in the cacophony of commercialism. and enjoy especially being at home for the holidays this year, because some of us won't be.
b
we need to learn (or remember) at this time of year that the value the season is not to be found in shopping malls or anything else so artificial and mass produced. instead, it is to be found in the faces of friends, the warmth of a hearth, the laughter of family, and the smells of multi-generational recipies once again working their magic in the kitchen. this time of year is a time for family, no matter how scattered, to return home and share a few special days together. it's a reason to pause and reflect; to use history and religion as lenses through which to see our own small lives in a greater perspective. it's a time for celebrating the simple joys of good food and good company. and more than anything else, it is a time to be reminded of everything we have to be grateful for.
______________________________________________
it is exceedingly strange to be entering the holiday season so many miles away from home. yesterday was thanksgiving, but here was just another day. it would have been very easy for me to let it pass without the normal amount of reflection that comes from the ritual of celebration at home, and it nearly did. but then, i came back to my room after a long and enjoyable day, and back to the realization of all that i was missing out on by not being at home right now. then, instead of being struck down by melancholy (though there were a few pangs) i thought of the reason why i am not home this year, and was struck by how amazing my life is sometimes. this is truly one of those times. here's a short list that i jotted down last night of things that i have to be grateful for. many of them are things that i have only discovered since being here, others have been confirmed through my experience of distance, and others are simply true.
i am thankful for, in no particular order:
1. hats that keep the rain off of my glasses
2. long letters, and short ones too
3. home cooking
4. my healthy body
5. friends who love me and support me across thousands of miles
6. having a place to call my own, even if i'm not there right now
7. my brother's ridiculous sense of humor
8. my dad's quiet fortitude
9. the opportunity to be here in england, and soon traveling in europe as well
10. trains
11. frisbees
12. skype
13. good music
14. chocolate
15. uncontrollable laughter
16. erik
17. my mom's wisdom
18. air mail
19. that my sister is getting the chance to put herself out in the world, all on her own
20. my extended family that continues to encourage and inspire me
21. this good earth, and all the gifts that it provides for us
22. stunning vistas
23. cold wind
24. loneliness and tears
25. new friends
26. my unconventional childhood
27. books
28. caffe nero and its amazing coffee
29. poetry (read, written, shared)
30. my journal and my writing notebook
31. tights worn under jeans
32. people's capacity for beauty and kindness
33. scarves and peacoats
34. having a home to return to when this period of my life comes to a close, as it is rapidly doing
i hope that you all find yourselves overwhelmed with gratitude for your own lives and all that they encompass, here at the opening of this special season. may that sentiment carry through the rest of the holiday season, and not be lost in the cacophony of commercialism. and enjoy especially being at home for the holidays this year, because some of us won't be.
b
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
my first real failure here
a couple of weeks ago, i excitedly set out on my first real weekend of travel in a while. i was itching to get off of campus, and, to be honest, to run away from the little annoyances that come from living in this place. i was looking forward to a night not characterized by drunken yelling waking me up at 2 am, or fire alarms doing the same at 3 and then 4 and then 5 am (which is a distressingly common occurence). i needed a change of scenery, a more legitimate reason to put off homework other than the fact that i just didn't want to do it... and cardiff was beckoning.
what i didn't expect from this trip was that getting away from those little annoying distractions here would open me up to all of the loneliness that they had been obscuring. i enjoyed the three hour train ride, arrived in cardiff, settled into a sparkling 5-star-worthy hostel, and promptly fell apart inside.
i think that sometimes you don't realize how unhappy you are until your environment changes sufficiently to trip that switch inside you. and then it all surfaces like some huge, ugly whale that just can't hold it's breath any longer. that whale came absolutely crashing up out of the depths, and did a big old belly flop on my weekend in cardiff.
this was the first time, in all the time i've been here, that i've truly failed to be here. sure, there have been lots of times i've wished i was somewhere else... but this was the first time that i honestly was not present to what i was experiencing. i wasn't able to enjoy my usual wandering, i didn't feel the excitement of new discoveries; i just didn't want to be there, and so i wasn't. i was 5000 miles away, and hating the fact that i couldn't be at home. i missed everyone, especially erik, missed my special places, really missed being able to talk out what i was feeling with someone... pretty much i was one big ball of emotional turmoil and disatisfaction.
what's worse, is that i took my unhappiness out on the people and things around me. i got irritated with my travel buddy, and treated her with an unfair lack of patience and regard. i was blind to the beauties of cardiff, because they weren't what i wanted: i wanted home, and in wanting it, totally missed out on what the weekend had to offer. i recognized what i was doing too, and i was frustrated with myself for feeling that way, but was unable to dig myself out of the mountain of yuck that had fallen on my head, so i gave up. i surrendered the weekend to self-pity, and left it at that. it wasn't going to be salvaged, and i figured i may as well get it out of my system. wallowing ensued. i really failed this time around.
looking back on that weekend, with the benefit of hindsight, i had a lot of legitimate reasons to crash that way. i think i did the healthy thing, in just letting myself feel like crap. trying to fight it would have made it seem less legitimate (and doubting yourself in that way is absolutely the worst thing in the world), would have left me exhausted, and would have prevented me from processing what was going on inside. my only regret is that i feel like i cheated cardiff, not even giving it a chance to reveal itself to me, and that i treated katie poorly for it. sometimes the timing is less than ideal, i suppose, but i've learned that it is impossible to control such things. and even less so here.
so, it was a less than stellar weekend. it's honestly kind-of a grey blur in my memory. but, i once again was presented with a new challenge, and dealt with it as best as i could. i'm learning if nothing else.
b
ps> below are a few pictures from cardiff. i did manage to document a bit of it, even if my mood is pretty clearly reflected in the color palette...
castell caerdydd (cardiff castle)
inside the castle keep
lonely walk
cardiff bay
cardiff bay waterfront walk, looking toward the norwegian church
cardiff bay people watching
what i didn't expect from this trip was that getting away from those little annoying distractions here would open me up to all of the loneliness that they had been obscuring. i enjoyed the three hour train ride, arrived in cardiff, settled into a sparkling 5-star-worthy hostel, and promptly fell apart inside.
i think that sometimes you don't realize how unhappy you are until your environment changes sufficiently to trip that switch inside you. and then it all surfaces like some huge, ugly whale that just can't hold it's breath any longer. that whale came absolutely crashing up out of the depths, and did a big old belly flop on my weekend in cardiff.
this was the first time, in all the time i've been here, that i've truly failed to be here. sure, there have been lots of times i've wished i was somewhere else... but this was the first time that i honestly was not present to what i was experiencing. i wasn't able to enjoy my usual wandering, i didn't feel the excitement of new discoveries; i just didn't want to be there, and so i wasn't. i was 5000 miles away, and hating the fact that i couldn't be at home. i missed everyone, especially erik, missed my special places, really missed being able to talk out what i was feeling with someone... pretty much i was one big ball of emotional turmoil and disatisfaction.
what's worse, is that i took my unhappiness out on the people and things around me. i got irritated with my travel buddy, and treated her with an unfair lack of patience and regard. i was blind to the beauties of cardiff, because they weren't what i wanted: i wanted home, and in wanting it, totally missed out on what the weekend had to offer. i recognized what i was doing too, and i was frustrated with myself for feeling that way, but was unable to dig myself out of the mountain of yuck that had fallen on my head, so i gave up. i surrendered the weekend to self-pity, and left it at that. it wasn't going to be salvaged, and i figured i may as well get it out of my system. wallowing ensued. i really failed this time around.
looking back on that weekend, with the benefit of hindsight, i had a lot of legitimate reasons to crash that way. i think i did the healthy thing, in just letting myself feel like crap. trying to fight it would have made it seem less legitimate (and doubting yourself in that way is absolutely the worst thing in the world), would have left me exhausted, and would have prevented me from processing what was going on inside. my only regret is that i feel like i cheated cardiff, not even giving it a chance to reveal itself to me, and that i treated katie poorly for it. sometimes the timing is less than ideal, i suppose, but i've learned that it is impossible to control such things. and even less so here.
so, it was a less than stellar weekend. it's honestly kind-of a grey blur in my memory. but, i once again was presented with a new challenge, and dealt with it as best as i could. i'm learning if nothing else.
b
ps> below are a few pictures from cardiff. i did manage to document a bit of it, even if my mood is pretty clearly reflected in the color palette...
castell caerdydd (cardiff castle)
inside the castle keep
lonely walk
cardiff bay
cardiff bay waterfront walk, looking toward the norwegian church
cardiff bay people watchingSunday, November 16, 2008
losing ground, halfway home
some days you feel like you're finally figuring it out... some nights you realize that you miss home, but not in a way that will keep you from sleeping well... and then, just as suddenly as you have that "ah-ha" moment when you decide it's okay that you're so far away, you change your mind and decide it isn't again.
if there is anything that i can take away from this experience, it is the roller-coaster reality of living abroad. there's the excitement, the wonder, the new experiences and mistakes and triumphs around every corner; and (for balance), there's the melancholy, the aches, the tearful phone calls, the letters full of longing.
recently i have found myself riding a fresh wave of homesickness. i'm not quite sure where it came from... but i have an inkling that it comes down to some momentous anniversaries passing at great distance, and the fact that i've made it halfway through this experience (which makes the end feel closer, and at the same time farther than ever before), accompanied by that oh-so tantalizing reality of reunions with people that i love so dearly being almost within reach. i'm looking forward to those tastes of home with a kind of desparation now, instead of a happier (and perhaps healthier) excitement or anticipation.
i've been finding myself clinging to moments that remind me of home: like lingering extra long in coffee shops, or ducking into random art galleries, or writing poetry (or blog posts...) instead of my essays. i think perhaps the novelty of being here is wearing off, and i'm becoming more acutely aware of little things i miss; the things that aren't immediately obvious, but that slowly eat away at you.
like the fact that i don't share a history with any of the people here, or at least not one that is any longer than the two months than we could possibly have known each other. i deeply value the friends and connections i have made here, don't get me wrong on that. but. there is a difference between such new acquaintances and a friend who has grown alongside you--someone who has shared your pain and your joys, who has shed tears and laughed with you, who knows your secrets, your fears, your pet-peeves, and what makes you happy. there is a familiarity and comfort in those relationships that is built on trust, and trust takes time to build.
time is something of which i have too little, and at the same time, too much.
i don't really have anything more cheerful that i can say to temper this post. no pretty pictures to accompany my frustrations or longing this time. no tongue-in-cheek remarks about england. just an honest statement; yet another attempt to convey the nature of the life i am living here.
i would like again to say another huge "thank you" to all of you for reading, for understanding, and for being there for me through all of this. as difficult (and as amazing) as this experience is some days, i know you're there in spite of the miles between us. and i appreciate it more than i can ever say.
b
if there is anything that i can take away from this experience, it is the roller-coaster reality of living abroad. there's the excitement, the wonder, the new experiences and mistakes and triumphs around every corner; and (for balance), there's the melancholy, the aches, the tearful phone calls, the letters full of longing.
recently i have found myself riding a fresh wave of homesickness. i'm not quite sure where it came from... but i have an inkling that it comes down to some momentous anniversaries passing at great distance, and the fact that i've made it halfway through this experience (which makes the end feel closer, and at the same time farther than ever before), accompanied by that oh-so tantalizing reality of reunions with people that i love so dearly being almost within reach. i'm looking forward to those tastes of home with a kind of desparation now, instead of a happier (and perhaps healthier) excitement or anticipation.
i've been finding myself clinging to moments that remind me of home: like lingering extra long in coffee shops, or ducking into random art galleries, or writing poetry (or blog posts...) instead of my essays. i think perhaps the novelty of being here is wearing off, and i'm becoming more acutely aware of little things i miss; the things that aren't immediately obvious, but that slowly eat away at you.
like the fact that i don't share a history with any of the people here, or at least not one that is any longer than the two months than we could possibly have known each other. i deeply value the friends and connections i have made here, don't get me wrong on that. but. there is a difference between such new acquaintances and a friend who has grown alongside you--someone who has shared your pain and your joys, who has shed tears and laughed with you, who knows your secrets, your fears, your pet-peeves, and what makes you happy. there is a familiarity and comfort in those relationships that is built on trust, and trust takes time to build.
time is something of which i have too little, and at the same time, too much.
i don't really have anything more cheerful that i can say to temper this post. no pretty pictures to accompany my frustrations or longing this time. no tongue-in-cheek remarks about england. just an honest statement; yet another attempt to convey the nature of the life i am living here.
i would like again to say another huge "thank you" to all of you for reading, for understanding, and for being there for me through all of this. as difficult (and as amazing) as this experience is some days, i know you're there in spite of the miles between us. and i appreciate it more than i can ever say.
b
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
a random fling
first team (minus jen) watching the action at UWIR (l to r): caroline, rosie, me, freesia, sophie, rachel and anna.absolutely one of the best decisions i have made since arriving in nottingham was my choice to join the ultimate frisbee team. "random fling," as it is known, has been nothing but fun since the first taster session way back in fresher's week. it's just a great group of friendly people who get together and play frisbee... and they take their frisbee seriously here. we actually warm up before every practice, there are detailed emails sent out each week outlining the tactics that will be covered in the coming week's practices, where we do drills, play games, and hear both advice and criticism on our play. i have grown a ton as a player since i arrived here, and i've had a great time getting to know everyone on the team as well!
this past weekend i played in the university women's indoor regional tournament in liverpool with fling's first team, and was lucky enough to both watch and participate in some really great sport.
coming off the mark (l to r): rosie, me, caroline, anna and rachel.
that is beth throwing a forehand. it happens occasionally...
caroline and i watching some play in between games.the random "flingettes" entered the tournament as the top seed, due to last year's women's team coming in 4th at nationals. the first day of pool games was fairly easy for us, and gave us some time to start learning how to play as a team. the end of saturday held some disappointment for us though, as we lost our 1-8 crossover game, and forfeited our seed. what was most disappointing of all was that it was such a rough game for our team: we were never quite able to hit our stride, and it showed in the final score. following that disappointment, we were facing an uphill struggle on sunday to qualify for nationals.
sunday we came out strong, though, with a good first game in the morning. that was followed by a couple of disappointments, as our opportunities to cement our qualifying seat fell away in much the same way some of our discs just escaped our fingers, and all in spite of a radical improvement in our team play since saturday. in the end, it all came down to our last game of the weekend: a 6-7 seed rematch against a team we had previously beaten, to decide who would be the last team to qualify for nationals. we went in with a calm and determined mindset, many thanks to great coaching by our captain sophie, and proceeded to play probably our best game of the weekend. it was tight the whole game: both teams were trading points, with some great defense and a few spectacular scores on both sides. then, in the last minute of our game, we pulled ahead by one, to lead it 7-6... and we held them!!
the starter line waiting to pull (top to bottom): sophie, rachel, caroline, rosie and myself.
setting up for defense in our 6-7 decisive game.
sophie with just one of her many amazing saves in the final game.
jumping for a score!
rosie dominating the endzone, as she did all weekend.
sophie and yet another grab. :)
that score means we clinched it! nationals here we come!
the whole team! from l to r: (top row) me, caroline, freesia, jen, sophie, (bottom row) rachel, rosie and anna.photo credits: hui en. thanks for taking so many awesome pictures and for cheering us on all weekend!!
b
it's fall in england...
some thoughts from lately...
fall is a time for renewal--for rebirth and realignment. the trees bid the world a colorful farewell, before settling down to wait for the warmth of spring to once again move their ancient blood into the furthest reach of their limbs.
life retreats back into itself.
the small creatures work hard to ensure their survival over the months ahead, gathering food and warm bits of bedding around them. the bigger creatures return to safe places, where in previous years they have found the shelter they needed from winter's coming onslaught. the ground is carpeted with leaves that gradually fade; their vibrant colors shifting to browns, and then to nothing as the drip of rain and pressure of passing lives reduces them to fodder for the tiniest of the tiny.
fall is a time for slowing down, for returning to the earth and being reminded of our fragility. every time the wind snatches away our breath, or the rain stings our face, it is reminding us to be humble. our lives, however grand they may seem under the broad sunny skies of summer, must return now to the ground. we put away our yellows and pinks, and bring out our greens and blues and browns again. we clothe ourselves in the rich tones of the season, and in doing so recognize our place. we come from the earth--its depths, its mysteries--and belong to it; fall reminds us of this. just as the other creatures return to their nests, to the comforts and safety of home, so must we.
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i always love fall. it's my favourite time of year for a lot of reasons. as a kid it always signaled the dreaded return to school (which i was always excited about), the return of the rain (which i still love), and the end of the endless summer days (which start to feel too long anyway). fall is a time for the heart to come home, i think; for it to settle down and shake off the dust accumulated from the chaos that can overwhelm summers. it's a time for returning to routine, for finding home again. for rediscovering the simple joys of crisp mornings, damp afternoons, and chilly nights spent warm indoors.
it is really strange to be so far away at a time that reminds me so much of home. most days as i head out on my 20 minute walk over the hill to class, i am able to lose myself in the glories of cold air and shocking color. nothing will make you forget your woes like nature's last show of the season... other days though, i am overwhelmed by an aching nostalgia for fall at home. i find myself longing for the smell of fresh-baked cookies, and the familiar ring of my friends' laughter. i miss the welcoming sight of peace flags flying over doorways, or of familiar faces and arms welcoming me indoors, out of the cold and rain and into the warmth of a loving embrace.
---------------------------------------------------
for the past few years, falls have been learning times for me. not of the academic variety, although that coincides. instead, fall has been for learning about the heart. falls have repeatedly been when my world has been turned on its head, and i have been left trying to piece things back together again. that sounds like a bad thing, but it really isn't. without those moments where everything you thought you knew comes crashing down, it is easy to become complacent.
this year, fall has been teaching me yet again:
--it is reminding me that i need to be able to find joy in my day to day. when i lose track of the simple pleasures of the wind on my face, or the rhythm of my steps when i go for a run, or of reading the last page a book, or drinking a cup of coffee with a friend, i lose track of where i am. i get caught up in the goings-on thousands of miles away, and i waste the time i have been given here.
--it is teaching me that it is okay to be melancholy. it's okay that i miss home and people, and that i think about it/them often. some nights, i just crawl into bed early because i feel so lonely that i can't make the effort to distract myself an longer. sometimes i think you need to just settle in with that sadness--let it take hold, and take you along for the ride.
--it is teaching me that love is not deterred by distance, or damaged, but instead strengthened. and that is a wondrous thing.
--and, once again, fall is teaching me about the meaning of home.
i don't know what to call home anymore. the other day i made a list of all the things i think home is and isn't, in my journal. it was pages long, and included things like "home is something you can lose, but you can also find it again," and "you can carry home with you just as easily (or not) that you can leave it behind."
my favourite thing i wrote down was "home is a condition of the heart, fueled and elaborated by the mind, cemented by the body."
i feel like i may have struck some truth, at least for myself, in that last one. missing home for me is a persistent thing because one of those three elements is missing. my heart certainly knows its home... it wouldn't ache so much right now if it didn't. my mind knows home, because i know what it is that i miss about it. but my body is not in contact with home; instead it is 5000 miles away from it.
i'm not sure that i can feel truly at home without the physical experience of being at home. without the sounds and smells and touches that make home real to me, i really feel that distance. when ansley was here recently, it was the first time i had that settled feeling that comes from being at home, since i've been here. hearing her voice, sharing her hugs and her laughter brought home back to me. it erased those 5000 miles, and for just a few days, i forgot that i was missing something. because i wasn't.
but, the day-to-day truth is that i am thousands of miles, and eight hours away, from that physical experience of home. and so the melancholy persists.
fall is bittersweet this year.
b
Thursday, November 06, 2008
on the rainbow five
the rainbow five bus is a uni student's best friend. cheap and easy transport to and from nottingham, always an interesting platform for people watching.
and sometimes you are surprised by what you see...
____________________________________________
chador on the rainbow five
i was startled to see
at the savoy cinema stop,
a man followed by a woman
in a black chador.
she didn't speak to the driver:
the man bought her ticket for her,
and i saw it in her eyes as she passed me--
it was fear.
not the fear of a woman oppressed.
no, not at all.
she pleaded with the world instead:
"don't judge me."
_____________________________________________
b
and sometimes you are surprised by what you see...
____________________________________________
chador on the rainbow five
i was startled to see
at the savoy cinema stop,
a man followed by a woman
in a black chador.
she didn't speak to the driver:
the man bought her ticket for her,
and i saw it in her eyes as she passed me--
it was fear.
not the fear of a woman oppressed.
no, not at all.
she pleaded with the world instead:
"don't judge me."
_____________________________________________
b
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
we found nessie!!!
(this post is a stolen idea from ansley... and contains stolen pictures from ansley... thanks ans! :) i just had to share our weekend with everyone!)
this past weekend i embarked on an entirely new quest... nessie hunting. granted, most people who go nessie hunting have a lot of scientific equipment, knowledge about previous sightings, and some sophisticated plan of attack. ansley and i decided that instead of all of that, we would woo her with our white bread, nutella, and assurances that we knew she was misunderstood (who says she's a monster anyway?). here follows a pictoral account of our adventures.
gooooooood morning! nothing starts off a day of "creature" hunting better than a yummy coffee with a wonderful friend. :)
our fuel of choice for our day of nessie searching. yummy for the tummy, and with protien! what can i say... my eating habits have definitely improved since arriving here. mmm white bread.
welcome to the home of nessie! (you say it "drum-nuh-drock-it") drive carefully, there be creatures about!
pausing for a moment to lighten our load at our adorable, nessie-themed hostel before beginning our search in earnest. apparently she does dishes here occasionally (or so claimed the sign in the kitchen). that must happen when she's not busy eluding the grasp of ardent monster hunters. or maybe that's how she does it...
waiting for our nessie boat to arrive, we paused at the fiddler cafe on the one (and only?) street in drumnadrochit for some delicious refreshments. only to find on their wall...
ooohhhh nnnoooooo!!! who cut off nessie's head? WHO?
slightly deflated (though you wouldn't guess it by my goofy tourist grin), but still determined, we soldier on. to the boat!
our nessie hunting vehicle of choice, with complementary adorable scottish guide--gordon. oh, and this little dock is gordon's front yard. i should have claimed to be a long-lost relative, so i could live here someday too.
we're excited to see nessie!
until we do though, we enjoy an amazing sunset over the loch. this nessie hunting business is hard work, let me tell you.
"wait! what's that?!??"
hang on, i know what you're thinking: "it's a wave. duh, beth." well that's what you think...
IT'S NESSIE!!!! it was hard to persuade her to let us document this momentus occasion, but promises of nutella-flavored compensation convinced her. i knew she was smart, this nessie creature.
it's okay nessie! we know you're not a monster!
gordon couldn't believe that first-timers would be the first (and only) ones to find nessie on his boat! he was so proud, that he agreed to this "happy hunters" picture. nessie snuggled in too.
nessie search successful, and cuddly creature returned safely to her home, we paused a moment to watch the sun fade over the hills and loch.
the end. :)
b
this past weekend i embarked on an entirely new quest... nessie hunting. granted, most people who go nessie hunting have a lot of scientific equipment, knowledge about previous sightings, and some sophisticated plan of attack. ansley and i decided that instead of all of that, we would woo her with our white bread, nutella, and assurances that we knew she was misunderstood (who says she's a monster anyway?). here follows a pictoral account of our adventures.
gooooooood morning! nothing starts off a day of "creature" hunting better than a yummy coffee with a wonderful friend. :)
our fuel of choice for our day of nessie searching. yummy for the tummy, and with protien! what can i say... my eating habits have definitely improved since arriving here. mmm white bread.
welcome to the home of nessie! (you say it "drum-nuh-drock-it") drive carefully, there be creatures about!
pausing for a moment to lighten our load at our adorable, nessie-themed hostel before beginning our search in earnest. apparently she does dishes here occasionally (or so claimed the sign in the kitchen). that must happen when she's not busy eluding the grasp of ardent monster hunters. or maybe that's how she does it...
waiting for our nessie boat to arrive, we paused at the fiddler cafe on the one (and only?) street in drumnadrochit for some delicious refreshments. only to find on their wall...
ooohhhh nnnoooooo!!! who cut off nessie's head? WHO?slightly deflated (though you wouldn't guess it by my goofy tourist grin), but still determined, we soldier on. to the boat!
our nessie hunting vehicle of choice, with complementary adorable scottish guide--gordon. oh, and this little dock is gordon's front yard. i should have claimed to be a long-lost relative, so i could live here someday too.
we're excited to see nessie!
until we do though, we enjoy an amazing sunset over the loch. this nessie hunting business is hard work, let me tell you.
"wait! what's that?!??"hang on, i know what you're thinking: "it's a wave. duh, beth." well that's what you think...
IT'S NESSIE!!!! it was hard to persuade her to let us document this momentus occasion, but promises of nutella-flavored compensation convinced her. i knew she was smart, this nessie creature.
it's okay nessie! we know you're not a monster!
gordon couldn't believe that first-timers would be the first (and only) ones to find nessie on his boat! he was so proud, that he agreed to this "happy hunters" picture. nessie snuggled in too.
nessie search successful, and cuddly creature returned safely to her home, we paused a moment to watch the sun fade over the hills and loch.the end. :)
b
Sunday, November 02, 2008
lenses (or, why i didn't take pictures in scotland)
lenses
i can't take pictures of this place.
not because my batteries are dead, even though they are;
not because i ran out of space (that would be a lie);
but because that sort of lens makes
this place look small,
when it is anything but that.
lenses make it look tame--
even mundane--
like so many wonders in this world
that are reduced
to mass-produced,
photos on walls, in living rooms.
have you even seen that place?
what weakness, what
human folly...
to diminish such ----scapes:
we scale them to suit our tiny minds,
and claim to have
captured their grace.
don't you know that such a feat cannot, and never should, be achieved?
i can't bring myself to do it.
so,
i don't take pictures:
i look without lenses,
i see the place,
and write this to share instead.
b
i can't take pictures of this place.
not because my batteries are dead, even though they are;
not because i ran out of space (that would be a lie);
but because that sort of lens makes
this place look small,
when it is anything but that.
lenses make it look tame--
even mundane--
like so many wonders in this world
that are reduced
to mass-produced,
photos on walls, in living rooms.
have you even seen that place?
what weakness, what
human folly...
to diminish such ----scapes:
we scale them to suit our tiny minds,
and claim to have
captured their grace.
don't you know that such a feat cannot, and never should, be achieved?
i can't bring myself to do it.
so,
i don't take pictures:
i look without lenses,
i see the place,
and write this to share instead.
b
Monday, October 27, 2008
random observations
1. foods with weird names tend to turn out better than they sound. examples: (a) "cullen skink" sounds gross, yes? actually a delicious fish stew. (b) "bangers and mash" whaaaaa? really good sausages and mashed potatoes with delicious oniony gravy. yum. (c) "mushy peas" really just like splitpea soup, in spite of the unfortunate use of the word "mushy".
2. the downs is dark enough at night to see the stars.
3. i extrapolate about people's personalities based on the color of scarf they are wearing.
4. i have a scarf fetish and have bought far too many of them here.
5. i'm finding myself picking up little bits (case in point) of the english language here. "bits" is a big one. i also find myself wanting to say "cheers" instead of "thanks," and then feeling awkward knowing that it comes out sounding weird with my accent. it slips out on occasion though. :)
6. ANYTHING... and i mean ANYTHING tastes good after frisbee practice.
7. brits don't put parmesan on their pasta... they put ketchup on it. ??? weird...
8. ugg boots and mini skirts has got to be the ugliest clothing combination known to man. and the most popular, apparently.
9. old english couples are especially adorable for some reason. i love seeing them walking slowly along, arm in arm.
10. the men here spend far, far more time on their hair than i do. that may be (and probably is) true just about everywhere, but here it's painfully obvious. they have salons that advertise as "men's hair stylists," for goodness' sake.
11. i end up being the quiet one in the group all the time. it's okay though--i like the observer role. and then, eventually, someone will talk to me, and it's usually a good conversation.
12. people on campus are infernally rude when walking on sidewalks. my thoughts as i risk my neck on the way to class: "you really can't move over a few inches so i can walk by without having to step off into the road? really??"
13. there are many various products here that use "bio" in their name and i have no idea what it means. it's on laundry detergent and yogurt. i just don't know what to make of that.
14. sainsbury's basics: a loaf of bread for 30p? a box of cereal for 1 pound 50? amazing! we need this in the states...
15. guys here hold doors open for me. this is also one of the few times they make honest eye contact with me. i hope my smile makes their day go better, the way their courtesy made mine.
16. still no hippie sightings. the closest i got was a weird drink i bought in london, titled "hippie". it was actually rhubarb juice. interesting association...
17. it is really easy to BS your way through a seminar here by asking intelligent questions. not that i ever do that, of course.
18. when i was figuring out how much money to bring here, i failed to budget for the inordinate amount of kleenex i have bought since arriving.
19. the cheapest, bottom-of-the-barrel, supermarket-brand chocolate here is ten times better than the sad, sad stuff we have at home.
20. the british definition of flavor when it comes to food: there are 2 options. option 1: bland. option 2: knock-your-tongue-out spicy.
21. my favorite part of my day is walking around campus. it's brisk and cold and (so far) clear, and the fall colors are gorgeous right now.
22. buying medicine in a different country is a interesting, slightly terrifying endeavor.
23. i constantly crave fresh fruits and vegetables.
24. they use spray deodorant here. ick. i'm sticking with my stick.
25. if you somehow during a conversation let out that you're an Obama supporter, you get all kinds of pats on the back. i wonder what they do if you say you're supporting McCain...
26. everyone here knows all of the same songs, word for word. when i was at the club for the frisbee party this weekend, the funniest part was watching drunk british guys sing along to cheesy, cheesy pop songs by female artists... at the top of their lungs.
27. i have moved up a tier in my coffee drinking since being here: from latte to espresso con panna. so delicious, and STRONG. last time i went to caffe nero and asked for one, the guy raised his eyebrows, smiled, and then proceeded to give me three punches on my loyalty card. i didn't know it was that impressive. ha!
28. skype is amazing.
29. so are two pound coins.
30. and chocolate covered digestives.
b
2. the downs is dark enough at night to see the stars.
3. i extrapolate about people's personalities based on the color of scarf they are wearing.
4. i have a scarf fetish and have bought far too many of them here.
5. i'm finding myself picking up little bits (case in point) of the english language here. "bits" is a big one. i also find myself wanting to say "cheers" instead of "thanks," and then feeling awkward knowing that it comes out sounding weird with my accent. it slips out on occasion though. :)
6. ANYTHING... and i mean ANYTHING tastes good after frisbee practice.
7. brits don't put parmesan on their pasta... they put ketchup on it. ??? weird...
8. ugg boots and mini skirts has got to be the ugliest clothing combination known to man. and the most popular, apparently.
9. old english couples are especially adorable for some reason. i love seeing them walking slowly along, arm in arm.
10. the men here spend far, far more time on their hair than i do. that may be (and probably is) true just about everywhere, but here it's painfully obvious. they have salons that advertise as "men's hair stylists," for goodness' sake.
11. i end up being the quiet one in the group all the time. it's okay though--i like the observer role. and then, eventually, someone will talk to me, and it's usually a good conversation.
12. people on campus are infernally rude when walking on sidewalks. my thoughts as i risk my neck on the way to class: "you really can't move over a few inches so i can walk by without having to step off into the road? really??"
13. there are many various products here that use "bio" in their name and i have no idea what it means. it's on laundry detergent and yogurt. i just don't know what to make of that.
14. sainsbury's basics: a loaf of bread for 30p? a box of cereal for 1 pound 50? amazing! we need this in the states...
15. guys here hold doors open for me. this is also one of the few times they make honest eye contact with me. i hope my smile makes their day go better, the way their courtesy made mine.
16. still no hippie sightings. the closest i got was a weird drink i bought in london, titled "hippie". it was actually rhubarb juice. interesting association...
17. it is really easy to BS your way through a seminar here by asking intelligent questions. not that i ever do that, of course.
18. when i was figuring out how much money to bring here, i failed to budget for the inordinate amount of kleenex i have bought since arriving.
19. the cheapest, bottom-of-the-barrel, supermarket-brand chocolate here is ten times better than the sad, sad stuff we have at home.
20. the british definition of flavor when it comes to food: there are 2 options. option 1: bland. option 2: knock-your-tongue-out spicy.
21. my favorite part of my day is walking around campus. it's brisk and cold and (so far) clear, and the fall colors are gorgeous right now.
22. buying medicine in a different country is a interesting, slightly terrifying endeavor.
23. i constantly crave fresh fruits and vegetables.
24. they use spray deodorant here. ick. i'm sticking with my stick.
25. if you somehow during a conversation let out that you're an Obama supporter, you get all kinds of pats on the back. i wonder what they do if you say you're supporting McCain...
26. everyone here knows all of the same songs, word for word. when i was at the club for the frisbee party this weekend, the funniest part was watching drunk british guys sing along to cheesy, cheesy pop songs by female artists... at the top of their lungs.
27. i have moved up a tier in my coffee drinking since being here: from latte to espresso con panna. so delicious, and STRONG. last time i went to caffe nero and asked for one, the guy raised his eyebrows, smiled, and then proceeded to give me three punches on my loyalty card. i didn't know it was that impressive. ha!
28. skype is amazing.
29. so are two pound coins.
30. and chocolate covered digestives.
b
Thursday, October 23, 2008
settling
it hit me today, as i walked my way over to beeston to have coffee with a friend, that something has changed radically in the last few days for me. it felt like, for the first time since i've been here, that i was walking on a familiar path. i don't know when it happened, but i seem to have decided to settle here. my room is slowly aquiring its usual degree of organized disarray, i have my little schedules and routes that i follow, i'm employing the full range of my procrastination skills, and i'm looking forward to my last couple of months here with more excitement than trepidation (finally).
how does that happen? when do you start feeling a connection to a place? when do you decide to make it your own?
maybe it's because i have spent so much time on my own over the past few days--just getting things done. i've run my errands, done a little bit of homework, gone to class, gone to practice, worked on travel plans; usually on my own, and not feeling lonely, but empowered. like i'm finally back in the drivers seat of my life; confident enough to navigate my way around nottingham, and around campus, and feeling a bit less like i'm in a foreign place.
a big part of it, i think, was my trip to scotland. for the first time, i found a place on this island that really spoke to me... wandering on those rugged, achingly pretty hills in holyrood park made my heart feel so much more at home.
another part is the fact that i've found a little niche for myself here, on the ultimate team. i've made some friends, i'm learning a ton, and i can feel myself improving every time that i go to practice which is so encouraging. plus it's fun! :)
some of it must be that the reality of all of the cool things i have been doing is slowly sinking in, as i share them with other people. trading raptures over the places we've been with robin today, and being able to recommend places for her to go and things for her to do when she gets to place i've already explored, made what had previously seemed surreal suddenly become more concrete.
the biggest part of it, though, is that in the past week or so, things have fallen into place for my long christmas break. now, instead of looming like an enormous question mark over my head, it is beckoning--promising more amazing sights, opportunities, and experiences to come. more travel with my friend katie, meeting up with daniel in austria for christmas, and then travelling with erik in the warmer southern regions in january. the chance to really sample the flavor of so many amazing places is just so exciting. and even more amazing is the opportunity to share it all with people that i care for so deeply. i was worried for a long time that break would be really hard for me, especially since it looked like i would be spending a great deal of it alone. i knew i would get through it either way, but when i learned that instead of being lonely i would be in the company of great friends, it became all the more amazing.
all of this, along with the overwhelming flood of love and support (and mail!) i have recieved from everyone at home over the last few weeks, seems to finally be freeing me up to enjoy myself here. this must seem like a total 180 from my recent post on homesickness (and it kind-of is), but it happened just that suddenly. it is an amazing feeling to have such a weight lifted from my shoulders. and to finally be feeling free to be 100% present to my life here, without constantly worrying that i'm losing touch with home by doing so. in fact, i feel like i'm growing even closer to home, as i've been learning so much about how to communicate and share across such distances.
in closing, i want to thank you all for being loving, patient, and oh-so supportive of me. thank you for insisting that i go and have an amazing time here, and being excited for me to have this chance.
please know that even though i may be an ocean or more away, i am always here for you if you need me. never hesitate to write or email or call or skype if you have something on your heart and need to work through your thoughts, or just get it out. i know how important it is to do that! never feel like you're burdening me, because that simply isn't true.
and know also that i carry you all with me everywhere i go. closeness is not something that can be measured in miles, as i am constantly reminded of here.
yours,
b
how does that happen? when do you start feeling a connection to a place? when do you decide to make it your own?
maybe it's because i have spent so much time on my own over the past few days--just getting things done. i've run my errands, done a little bit of homework, gone to class, gone to practice, worked on travel plans; usually on my own, and not feeling lonely, but empowered. like i'm finally back in the drivers seat of my life; confident enough to navigate my way around nottingham, and around campus, and feeling a bit less like i'm in a foreign place.
a big part of it, i think, was my trip to scotland. for the first time, i found a place on this island that really spoke to me... wandering on those rugged, achingly pretty hills in holyrood park made my heart feel so much more at home.
another part is the fact that i've found a little niche for myself here, on the ultimate team. i've made some friends, i'm learning a ton, and i can feel myself improving every time that i go to practice which is so encouraging. plus it's fun! :)
some of it must be that the reality of all of the cool things i have been doing is slowly sinking in, as i share them with other people. trading raptures over the places we've been with robin today, and being able to recommend places for her to go and things for her to do when she gets to place i've already explored, made what had previously seemed surreal suddenly become more concrete.
the biggest part of it, though, is that in the past week or so, things have fallen into place for my long christmas break. now, instead of looming like an enormous question mark over my head, it is beckoning--promising more amazing sights, opportunities, and experiences to come. more travel with my friend katie, meeting up with daniel in austria for christmas, and then travelling with erik in the warmer southern regions in january. the chance to really sample the flavor of so many amazing places is just so exciting. and even more amazing is the opportunity to share it all with people that i care for so deeply. i was worried for a long time that break would be really hard for me, especially since it looked like i would be spending a great deal of it alone. i knew i would get through it either way, but when i learned that instead of being lonely i would be in the company of great friends, it became all the more amazing.
all of this, along with the overwhelming flood of love and support (and mail!) i have recieved from everyone at home over the last few weeks, seems to finally be freeing me up to enjoy myself here. this must seem like a total 180 from my recent post on homesickness (and it kind-of is), but it happened just that suddenly. it is an amazing feeling to have such a weight lifted from my shoulders. and to finally be feeling free to be 100% present to my life here, without constantly worrying that i'm losing touch with home by doing so. in fact, i feel like i'm growing even closer to home, as i've been learning so much about how to communicate and share across such distances.
in closing, i want to thank you all for being loving, patient, and oh-so supportive of me. thank you for insisting that i go and have an amazing time here, and being excited for me to have this chance.
please know that even though i may be an ocean or more away, i am always here for you if you need me. never hesitate to write or email or call or skype if you have something on your heart and need to work through your thoughts, or just get it out. i know how important it is to do that! never feel like you're burdening me, because that simply isn't true.
and know also that i carry you all with me everywhere i go. closeness is not something that can be measured in miles, as i am constantly reminded of here.
yours,
b
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
some places speak for themselves
i went to edinburgh... and it was beautiful.
welcome
the royal mile
st. margaret's chapel, edinburgh castle
half moon battery, edinburgh castle
gorgeous fall colors
the scottish monument, prince street gardens
my thirsty friend, prince street gardens
scottish pride is everywhere... even in their graffiti
the birthplace of harry potter
greyfriars churchyard
gravestones, greyfriars churchyard
texture, greyfriars churchyard
near the houses of parliment and arthur's seat
arthur's seat, holyrood park
so beautiful
salisbury crags, holyrood park
holyrood park
salisbury crags and edinburgh beyond (photo credit: katie williams)
view from the top of arthur's seat (photo credit: katie williams)
we made it to the top! it was windy. (photo credit: katie williams)
summit of arthur's seat, and graffiti
a great place for contemplation
i'll be backb
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