UWIN 2008 and first farewells

this weekend marked the first "end" of something for me here in england. i competed in the university women's indoor ultimate nationals: had a lot of fun, played some excellent ultimate, and found myself in tears sunday evening as i came to realization that this is the first of many endings for me here. there are a hundred and one reasons why i'm excited to be so close to coming home, but i've been starting to realize lately all of the things i will miss when i leave as well. this has been an interesting and encouraging and emotional realization for me. in a lot of ways, i hadn't realized how attached i have become to some things here--i didn't expect it to hurt so much, but it does. and at the same time that it hurts, it makes me feel good too, because i know that it means that i have made real connections here. it's another instance of perspective being the key, and a bittersweet taste on the tongue being the outcome.

random fling, 6th place finishers at UWIN 2008: (top row) rachel, myself, freesia, (middle row) rosie, anna, (bottom row) emily, sophie, and caroline.

the absolute best thing about my time here in nottingham and at the university, has been playing ultimate with these girls. my time on the pitch here has been challenging, encouraging, educational, and above all else fun. the women's ultimate team here is my niche: it's the place where i feel most like myself, where i've been most able to be fully present to where i am, it's been my escape and my release when i've needed one, it's where i've grown, it's where i've met people that i admire and who inspire me, and with whom i have come to be friends. so (as you might imagine), after spending two whole days linked in a common goal as a team, playing some really excellent ultimate, and finishing the weekend as the 6th ranked team in the UK, i found myself shocked at the harsh reality that the season was over. shock is the right word. i had failed to realize that this was the last time i'd play with freesia, anna, rachel, caroline, rosie, emily, and sophie. no more tuesday night practices, no more goofy sideline dances, no more high fives and hugs after hard-fought points. it was amazing, but now it's over. and that's hard.
i know that when i get back to linfield, i will have fun playing ultimate with my friends there... but i will miss being serious about the sport. there's no doubt that i enjoy just chucking around with friends, or playing games that are more a competition to see who gets muddiest than a chance to grasp a new tactic... but i'll miss working out, drilling, really running, and working hard 4 days a week to improve my game. i'll miss (our captain) sophie's criticism, advice, and encouragement more than i can say. she has both pushed me and believed in me so much since i joined the team, and i contribute most of my progress here to being able to play with, and attempt to emulate, her. i've come to really love the sport of ultimate in my time here playing with random fling, and that is something i know that i can bring home with me.

myself and sophie following the awards ceremony at UWIN

and so the first farewell of many. classes end for me this thursday, although that is certainly not something that will be met with an emotional farewell. but i fly to denmark on friday morning, which means really that i only have maybe 2 weeks total that i will be in nottingham before i'm flying home. that's another strange truth that recently struck. i'm going to have to say goodbye to my favorite spot in the city: the cafe nero in beeston. i'll only have to walk over that dratted hill in the downs perhaps another 6 or 7 times before i leave. i'll only have to eat hall meals dominated by bread and potatoes for a few more evenings. and it's all so surreal.
i've spent so much time trying to get accustomed to this place, and being irritated with it's little frustrations... but now i'm starting to look at them with a sort of nostalgia. it's not that i'll miss the terrible food necessarily, but it has been a part of my experience here, and therefore is now looked at with a sort of fond amusement. i think the slow process of letting go has begun, and with it is coming a greater tolerance for things that once drove me nuts, and a sadness at having to say goodbye to things that i really do love here. and overriding it all is a sense of accomplishment: because this is happening right now, i've realized that i have made good use of my time here. i've finally stopped trying to compare myself to other people here: stopped wondering if i would have met more people if i'd fallen in more with the culture here (if i had drunk and partied a little more, been a bit less of a hermit, maybe not have traveled every weekend), stopped feeling like i might be missing out on something. instead i'm realizing just how much i have learnt, accomplished, and experienced since being here, and i'm feeling a bit in awe of it all.

best of all, i feel like all of these realizations are coming at just the right time. they've come before i leave for my european adventures, before i (no matter how greatly anticipated) begin to gradually reconnect with home by spending time with daniel, and then by erik's arrival and our time together here. this way, i get to own my time here a little bit more. i get to look around and say, "hey, look what i did... all on my own, in different country, 5000 miles away from home." this experience will forever be something that i did, something i can be proud of, and something that i can better share with all of the people that i love. and i also get to savour these last days i have here in nottingham, feeling content with my experience, entirely free to enjoy it, and all the more excited for the new adventures that are rapidly approaching. yay! :)
and i think (and hope) that when the time comes for me to come home, i'll be able to leave feeling content, without regrets, and with a sweet anticipation of what another new period of my life will have to offer, even if i leave a bit of myself here.


b