inspiration

so many things came together this weekend... friends from far away were all in one place, i had a random weekend day off, i found a new poet whose work is fresh and rooted and that i want to explore more. all of a sudden, because of company, conversation, shared meals--who really knows--i feel more inspired to do things, to sit down with a book i've been putting off, the make bread... even just to get up and start my day.


one of the things my writerly friends and i talked about this weekend was how difficult it is to feel inspired to write. we often write because we wish we wanted to, rather than writing because we feel the need to: the need to capture little things that happen, because we're inspired by a flower, or the way a child searches for a parent's hand, or the way that blackberry bushes smell like blackberries even when the fruit is hard and green on the vine. it doesn't come as easily now. partly, we're distracted/frustrated/exhausted by working. partly we feel guilty for having nothing to say. partly we're frustrated by our weak and whining attempts. mostly we just don't feel inspired. inspiration comes in waves, and the trough in between crests can often feel like a tunnel without that hopeful light that everyone talks (and writes) about.

i've had phases before where i didn't feel like i needed to search for inspiration; instead, it seemed to come from somewhere inside. like i was more sensitive somehow to the fall of light on the table and the emotions written on strangers' faces. sometimes just a tree limb waving in the wind would birth a poem. steinbeck called moments like this "glories." he also wrote that you could measure a man's life by the quality and number of his glories.

in my current phase i often feel like i have to drag inspiration out of the depths, or else shock it into being through some rage-and-awe campaign that tends to fizzle because i'm trying so hard. in terms of glories, i've been a pretty small person lately. inspiration is slippery and sly: it comes unannounced and unbidden, and disappears the moment you search for it.

i suppose all we can really do at moments like this is surround ourselves with inspiring things, and then hope one of them will take root in ourselves. i've long felt the need to surround myself with books, ideas, pretty things, projects, materials, and spaces to explore them just in case something caught light. i'm doing that still. here are a few things that are inspiring me of late:

-this amazing online magazine.
-making meals for friends.
-grocery shopping.
-blank leather journals. (so much space for things to happen in)
-intellectual conversations. (it's amazing how few and far between these seem after college)

(from sequimblog.com)

-lavender and lavender cotton.
-herbal water. (add mint, tarragon, basil, lavender, scented geranium, and so on)
-this young poet.
-carrying my film camera. (ever notice how everything starts looking like a photo?)

what inspires you lately?

b