hi-a-tus

hi-a-tus: (n) 1. a break or interruption in the continuity of a work, series, or action, 2. a missing part; a gap or lacuna, 3. any gap or opening, 4. Anatomy. a fissure, cleft, or foramen in a bone or other structure.



I’ve been on hiatus for some time now. I decided in the whirlwind of my last semester of college, that I would give myself time to recover after graduation. I wouldn’t pressure myself to leave town, to tackle a “real” job, to make ambitious plans of any kind. And I am so glad that I did that. These past six, now seven months, I have been lazy. I’ve done the same things every single day, established a routine, slept nine or more hours most nights. I come home from work, make dinner, and watch a movie with Erik. It’s a simple existence, and such a wonderful departure, interruption, gap.


I think, after many months’ hiatus, I am finally feeling like returning to the real world, so to speak. I am ready to ease myself into a more adult, busy, active existence. And I thought that a good way to approach this would be to make some New Year’s resolutions. I know, I know; that seems tacky. I mean, how much of a departure can making a New Year’s resolution be? For me, at this point though, identifying aims and goals for myself is something fresh and relatively new.

I have always been resistant to goal setting. Even as a kid and as a student, I didn’t like it. It makes me feel stressed, like I need to run around and achieve this thing RIGHT NOW. But I think maybe a resolution can be something different for me. Resolution means “a statement of intention.” I like that. I like the idea of facing the New Year with a sense of intention, after so many months of avoiding approaching things with an outcome in mind. I like the idea of intention, because it implies finding or choosing direction. Of being determined. Of creating and making and doing things, rather than just thinking about them; of committing to things again, after avoiding commitment in most aspects of my life.

So here are my resolutions, and a few of the sources of inspiration behind them. I hope that approaching this New Year in a way completely different than any that have come before, and with a new sort of intention, will bring about change and joy.

b





RESOLUTIONS

1. Give more love.
2. Bake cakes.
3. Road trip.
4. Write it down.
5. Share more.


INSPIRATION

A Homemade Life, by Molly Wizenberg
Orangette, orangette.blogspot.com
Handmade Living, by Lotta Jansdotter
3191, 3191visualblogging.com




Oh, and I loved this poem from today's Writer's Almanac:


After Our Wedding

by Yehoshua Nobember

When you forgot the address of our hotel
in your suitcase,
the driver had to pull over
in front of the restaurant.

Men and women dining beneath the August sun
looked up from their salads
to clap for you,
a young, slender woman
in a wedding dress and tiara,
retrieving a slip of paper
from the trunk of a cab
in the middle of the street.

And since that day,
many of the guests at our wedding have divorced
or are gone,
and the restaurant has closed
to become a tattoo parlor.
And we have misplaced and found
many more papers,
but no one was clapping.

And the motion of the lives around us
has been like a great bus
slowly turning onto a crowded street.
And some of the passengers
have fallen asleep in their seats,

while others anxiously search
their jacket pockets
for the notes that might wed
their ordinary lives
to something lofty and astonishing.

a sigh of relief

this holiday season has been an interesting one for me. interesting being code for uncertain, quiet, and slightly disappointing. for one, i never really felt like i got into the holiday spirit. and for me, this is odd. usually i am itching to listen to holiday music, hang twinkle lights, and bake grandma's sugar cookies, but this year those desires were distinctly lacking. for another, the whole idea of christmas felt strange somehow. i will blame this partly on working a retail job and long hours, and partly on the fact that i'm not a kid anymore. what was i celebrating again? the merry season of buying-tons-of-things? a religious/quasi-consumer holiday that i don't particularly believe in? wow, i sound cynical. that makes me so sad.

i was chatting with one of my coworkers at the bookstore who is in her early forties, has four kids, and had a different, fun christmas activity planned every night leading up to christmas week. i asked her if christmas stops feeling this way (sort-of anticlimactic) when you have kids. and her answer was, "oh, ya." she remembered these years--the time when you aren't a kid anymore, and your christmas isn't orchestrated for you, and you are kind of at a loss as to what to do--and when you become a parent, and suddenly it's your job to make christmas magical for someone else. i found that wonderfully reassuring. i was thinking it was just me, but i think it might be just the way christmas will be for now.

that disappointment expressed, i have had a very nice christmas at home, with family and presents and good food just the way it has been every other year. it is also nice knowing that when i go back to work tomorrow, there won't be customers getting angry at me for not being able to get them something in time for christmas, or incredulous that i don't remember their specific order when i did fifty of them a day for two weeks in a row. i'm glad that things will be mostly back to normal.

so here's to christmas, and it's new form. and here's hoping that each of you found time to relax, recharge, and celebrate the season.


b