a new space

well, i did it! i've officially started a new blog. you can find it here.

the inspiration for the title is a bon iver song from his latest album (which is amazing). you can listen the song, beth/rest, here.

i hope that you will all continue to read and follow me in this new space.

b

100 posts

happy friday everyone.


i am enjoying a really nice day off following a number of days at work and the final (crazy) push for the end of the 100 mile diet event series. it's nice to just sit, listen to some music, check out my favorite blogs and have some time to write on my own. i also bought a dress... good day all over i think!

this is going to be a random one, so hang in there.



first off, i want to send out a THANK YOU to everyone who helped all of the 100 mile events happen. and to the friends and family who rushed to my aid when i wrote a slightly-freaked-out post about how the last event might be canceled. as it turned out, there was no need to worry (i have learned from this experience that everyone procrastinates), and that (sadly) some folks got turned away. nevertheless, the celebration dinner was a delicious, huge success. everyone at CP did an amazing job, and i think folks had a pretty good time! good news is that CP is going to do a series of farmer-inspired dinners, so you didn't totally miss out! also, they're offering cooking classes starting in january. awesome.


moving on from the 100 mile diet, i have a few other little things to share...

this is my 100th post on this blog! i've been thinking for a while that i wanted to start a new bloggy project when this one hit post 100. needless to say, i still don't have a clear vision for what that new project would be, so there's not really any news to share. i might have to push my deadline back. the only good idea to date was something called "every day" with photos or simple lines of text sharing the day with you all. i was thinking it would be a 365 day project.
i am actually quite attached to the title "the dangling conversation." it really seems the perfect way to describe what i'm doing here--chatting out into space, leaving my words dangling in a one-way conversation. sometimes it feels oddly lonely, and other times awesome to have this conversation going with whoever might run across it.
all that said, i'm thinking seriously about re-vamping this blog or starting a side project... so stay tuned, if you want to.

totally unrelated, but i'm 99% sure i've found a camera bag that i like. i've been wanting to get one ever since i inherited my film camera, and i really like the style of this one. and there's space to throw in my little beat up digital guy too, which is great. what do you think? (image found here.)



and finally, one of the things i've been enjoying most lately is retro-fitting recipes to fit our 100 mile diet options. e and i have made some pretty good meals lately, which is a nice change from the first few days of the diet when we had no idea what to do. recent successes included white cheddar and basil stuffed chicken breasts, as well as several different mixed berry cobblers (i'm slowly learning the ropes of whole wheat butter crusts--maybe when i perfect it, i'll post it).
despite this, we pretty much have a constant hankering for carbs. pasta is intimidating, so today i'm turning to potatoes. how about latkes for dinner? oh man, a crispy edged, fluffy, eggy latke with poached eggs (which i've never made!) and greens. yes. i'm hungry. thank you, smitten kitchen for inspiring me with this recipe and this one. yummy.


stay cool out there.
(maybe this beautiful video of iceland will help! enjoy.)

favor to ask

hi everyone,

so i know many of you don't live in mac anymore, but if you know people who do, will you please spread the word?

the 100 mile diet challenge has been my major summer project this year. i've sunk a good number of hours into it, and now the last event in our series might have to be canceled because of lack of attendance. the event is an amazing 3 course dinner prepared by some of mac's best chefs and served at community plate restaurant downtown. if it happens, it'll be happening this thursday, the 25th, at 7pm. it's going to be amazing! needless to say, i am bummed that it might be canceled.

all the details are on the slow food blog.

help spread the word!


thanks,
b

i finally did it

this morning was the first morning of the 100 mile diet, and i was pretty bummed to realize that my plans to go to a cafe and write today were hamstrung by that endeavor. i really do love spending many hours in cafes...

the alternative to the cafe was my desk. now, some of you (sam) know what a terrible catastrophe the "study" in our apartment is. cat hair and dust and it seems to be the room all of the random crap ends up in (not that you're random crap sam, but i'm sad you have to wedge yourself in there among it!). that said, it's not exactly a place where i feel inspired to write. and so today was spent, instead of at a cafe, in a serious cleaning session. i dusted, i scrubbed a little bit and vacuumed a lot, and dragged around my huge, heavy old desk until the room looked fresh and focused enough to be a place i wanted to spend some time in.

i've been wanting to attack that back room for a long time, but it was daunting in its chaos. another thing that made it daunting were the two or three boxes of school stuff that i packed up after graduation, deposited in the corner of that room, and promptly ignored... for more than a year. it was high time i sorted through those. i found some weird stuff (like flea spot medicine for the cat), but mostly i found reams of paper--much of which now resides in my recycling bin. i had so much paper in that room! old assignments, file folders of carefully organized notes, receipts from two years ago (brilliant financial planning that was), and just piles of tattered paper. it took me about an hour to go through it all. some was jettisoned immediately and without regret (*cough* social methods file), my careful and detailed notes from social theory were harder. as were the many drafts of various poems and essays. i did end up keeping a few things (favorite essays that i wrote--one of which had a glaring grammar error in the first paragraph (dang it!), some favorite readings from various classes, a lot of folders and notebooks to be reused), but the majority is gone. and guess what? there's room for a chair in that room! a nice, cozy reading chair. i might have to go in search of one!

mondays have become my cleaning day it seems. some kind of cleaning project is usually undertaken in the company of loud music and messy clothes. it's pretty rejuvenating for me to do some scrubbing on my days off, and nothing is more gratifying than a clean counter, bathtub, or desk, even if it is the only thing in the apartment that is shiny.

hopefully i will be able to my newly reclaimed desk for some serious writing efforts in the coming weeks. i've always wanted to be one of those people who rolls out of the bed in the morning and does some writing. we'll see if round two with this desk will be more lucrative.

b

time away

just got back last night from 5 days in washington with erik's family. we went on a bike ride, went boating, tossed frisbees, ate a lot of food, sang happy birthday twice, played with dogs, decided we need to figure out what we're doing so we can get a dog.
this morning i'm finishing packing for a 4 day backpacking trip with my family (sunscreen, bug spray, sunscreen, food). time away is refreshing, though i was glad that it felt good to be home last night, even for a very little while.

homes are important. most of the blogs i read write a lot about their homes. check out this amazing home. i'm jealous of their pantone mugs and polaroid camera prints.

be back soon.

b

new favorite

song.

i've always loved bon iver.



poet.

so inspiring to read young talent.



goal.

read more classics. i just finished east of eden and i loved it.



time of day.

right between when you can see by daylight and when it's just dark enough you can't anymore.


b

yummy!

you all know i love food. i thought i'd share will you all a few of my favorite foodie websites! i've slowly been collecting these guys in my bookmarks menu, which is now heavily skewed in favor of food and pretty food pictures. have fun!

also... mojito party anyone? how about watermelon mojitos? um, yes. did i mention i live directly above a pool?


orangette
i love this site and am totally jealous of molly wizenberg. she's gorgeous, has written one book and is working on another, and also has this little project going on the side... i kind of want her life.

smitten kitchen
thanks mom! ever since she sent me this link, i have eagerly perused deb's site searching for inspiration and always finding it. i've already made a few of her recipes with awesome results. did i mention she also has a book deal and cooks in a 42 square foot kitchen in NYC? ya.

the blue hour
so no, not strictly food--but brian takes amazing photos, and they're often of food. even better. he's a coffee shop groupie like i am, and likes his film camera better than anything. i'm jealous of all of his dinner parties.


b

inspiration

so many things came together this weekend... friends from far away were all in one place, i had a random weekend day off, i found a new poet whose work is fresh and rooted and that i want to explore more. all of a sudden, because of company, conversation, shared meals--who really knows--i feel more inspired to do things, to sit down with a book i've been putting off, the make bread... even just to get up and start my day.


one of the things my writerly friends and i talked about this weekend was how difficult it is to feel inspired to write. we often write because we wish we wanted to, rather than writing because we feel the need to: the need to capture little things that happen, because we're inspired by a flower, or the way a child searches for a parent's hand, or the way that blackberry bushes smell like blackberries even when the fruit is hard and green on the vine. it doesn't come as easily now. partly, we're distracted/frustrated/exhausted by working. partly we feel guilty for having nothing to say. partly we're frustrated by our weak and whining attempts. mostly we just don't feel inspired. inspiration comes in waves, and the trough in between crests can often feel like a tunnel without that hopeful light that everyone talks (and writes) about.

i've had phases before where i didn't feel like i needed to search for inspiration; instead, it seemed to come from somewhere inside. like i was more sensitive somehow to the fall of light on the table and the emotions written on strangers' faces. sometimes just a tree limb waving in the wind would birth a poem. steinbeck called moments like this "glories." he also wrote that you could measure a man's life by the quality and number of his glories.

in my current phase i often feel like i have to drag inspiration out of the depths, or else shock it into being through some rage-and-awe campaign that tends to fizzle because i'm trying so hard. in terms of glories, i've been a pretty small person lately. inspiration is slippery and sly: it comes unannounced and unbidden, and disappears the moment you search for it.

i suppose all we can really do at moments like this is surround ourselves with inspiring things, and then hope one of them will take root in ourselves. i've long felt the need to surround myself with books, ideas, pretty things, projects, materials, and spaces to explore them just in case something caught light. i'm doing that still. here are a few things that are inspiring me of late:

-this amazing online magazine.
-making meals for friends.
-grocery shopping.
-blank leather journals. (so much space for things to happen in)
-intellectual conversations. (it's amazing how few and far between these seem after college)

(from sequimblog.com)

-lavender and lavender cotton.
-herbal water. (add mint, tarragon, basil, lavender, scented geranium, and so on)
-this young poet.
-carrying my film camera. (ever notice how everything starts looking like a photo?)

what inspires you lately?

b

time off

time off means having the time to make a real breakfast and sit down to enjoy it. (this morning: coffee and a fried egg on toast with avocado and salsa.) time to listen to the radio story about biodynamic farming. time to finish long delayed projects. (the flier for the 100 mile diet is finally done! what do you think of the logo?)


time off means time to scrub the bathroom until it shines instead of grimes. time to find new favorite things online, here and here. time to go to the beach with friends. time for bad mexican food on the way home from an ocean dip. brrr.

b

recent favorites

pinot gris.

calendula soap.

this blog.

and this one.

tank tops.

herb water.

cameras.

sunshine.

cooling evening hours.

b

midsummer

um what? come again...


can you believe it? it's already midsummer, the longest day of the year, almost the end of june. it looks like it's going to be a beautiful one too.

summer this year has seemed a bit like some surreal fantasy or dream, but here i am wearing a skirt and tank top for the first time in for-ev-er. i guess we can't deny it anymore.

with summertime officially upon us, i've been thinking about how un-official summer feels this year; kind of accidental, kind of sneaky. partly it's the rainy weather. partly it's the lack of skirt-wearing and general adventure-having that i've had so far... but i think the major difference is that summer no longer means freedom: in fact, it means working more hours, struggling to get time off to get out of town, and wishing that i wasn't missing out on the days that are actually sunny because i'm at work. hmm. doesn't quite have the same ring as pool parties and hiking trips and watermelon seed spitting contests in the back yard, and three months without homework. hopefully my growing tomato plants, itchy chaco sunburn, and a weekend away will help it feel a little more summery around here.

that's right, erik and i are leaving mcminnville. for like four whole days. can you tell this is monumental? after so long working opposite schedules, and feeling too tired at the end of the day to do a whole lot more than a bike ride (well, mostly erik does that), a salad for dinner, and a beer, we have four whole days to ourselves! we're going to cook real meals! three times a day! we're going to scorn alarm clocks! i'm going to bring a couple new recipes to try, read a book for our book club, go kayaking, get another sunburn, maybe even write sitting out on the deck with a glass of wine. we might buy some illegal fireworks! ahhh vacation... why do you come so rarely?


hopefully you are all finding ways to celebrate the summery days. i'll see you after vacation.

b

meals from the market

yesterday was the farmer's market, and today it's sunny. hooray!


last night i shared an amazing meal with friends inspired by goods we got at market. on the menu: green salad with green garlic dressing, german potato salad, hazelnut crusted salmon fillet, rhubarb muffins, and strawberry sandwiches. and strawberries. how do i always forget how delicious strawberries are??

happily this was a meal well-shared, if not well photographed. i hope i can get better about that now that summertime is in the near future.


last night's meal left me feeling inspired, but also a little anxious. i can't remember if i mentioned this before, but erik and i are going to be doing a 100 mile diet experiment this summer. for the month of august, we're going to eat only food sourced within one hundred miles of little mcminnville. as we get closer and closer to the start of our experiment, and i get deeper and deeper into planning for the SFYC 100 Mile Diet Challenge, i get more excited and slightly more frantic.


i'm excited for this because (1) it will force me to get back in the kitchen, which has been looking sadly neglected lately, (2) i will have to kick the coffee habit, something i've been wanting to try for more than a year but have never been motivated enough to do, and (3) i will get to learn so much about the foodshed here. i can't wait to find the best u-pick places, to freeze blueberries, eat hazelnuts and walnuts instead of almonds, figure out how to make pasta by hand, discover local distilleries, drink local milk from local cows, and shake up some butter in a jar. there'll be no excuse to not cook dinner because i can just boil some noodles and open a can (yes, we all do that). no excuse not to go to market, because that is where a huge chunk of our food is going to come from. and i'll have the excuse to go on fieldtrips! to the cheese factory!

at the same time, it's summer... and in a little while here i'm not going to want to spend time inside rolling out pasta or making yogurt, or... i don't even know: doing all those things that convenience foods keep me from doing. will i be able to fit it all in? will i be hungry all of the time? because i'm kind of that way as is... and if i can't reach for a clif bar or crackers i'm going to have to do some planning to make sure i don't bite off someone's head in a blood sugar low point.


in preparation for this endeavor, i've been re-reading plenty, a great book written by a couple in BC who did a 100 mile diet for a whole year. it's funny, carefree, and honest about the hardships and adjustments involved. they didn't drink coffee... but they did live in a region with a similar climate and food culture. this morning i read about their trials living without any wheat product. life without bread?? and pasta?? that's like seventy percent of my diet right there. oh boy. this is going to be interesting.

they also write at length about just how difficult and endeavor like this is. i mean, where do you draw the line? local cheese made from local milk... but are the seasonings in it local? what about the enzymes and cultures used to make it into cheese? what about rennet? where do you draw the line? i know that in my book coffee roasted locally won't be making the cut, but will olive oil that contains a blend of oregon and california fruit? or that delicious chipotle goat cheese at market that contains cumin? what am i going to do about salt? only use the stuff left in my cabinet at the start of august? boil some seawater on my next beach trip? go without? there are so many judgment calls to make!


good thing is, i'm already thinking about it. in a couple of months i should have a little list of farms and other resources in hand to help alleviate my worries. at least i hope i will. in the meantime, i'm going to enjoy meals from the market, and still use that european sea salt, cane sugar from the tropics, and pepper from who knows where (you really should try the strawberry sandwiches from last night--directions are at the end of this). maybe this will be my chance to learn about sweetening with honey... and hopefully i won't be hungry all month.


b



strawberry sandwiches.
yep. they're pretty much exactly what they sound like.

choose your bread and slice it thinly. butter with delicious sweet butter. layer with sliced strawberries. sprinkle over a little sugar (vanilla sugar if you have it!), and a crack of black pepper (don't skip this). let sit so the strawberries release their juices. eat. yum.

reprieve

unexpectedly, no work today. ahhhh. i think my heart rate just slowed to a healthy level again. i was up and about extra early so i could get other things done before heading to work... and now i'm enough ahead of the game to take some beth time. maybe i'll watch a movie! or bake a rhubarb cake! or just take a nap.

before i do that though, i'll have a chance to catch up on important things.

like reviewing this book for slow food:


packed with awesome information about food raising, sourcing, and prepping, as well as gorgeous photos and thoughtful commentary on food and just how important it is. originally written for a british audience and now expanded for us americans, this is one of the best comprehensive cookbooks i've had the pleasure to read. highly recommended.

plus i have poetry waiting for me:
neruda, ryan, cummings, and more. not to mention working on some of my own.

i can't get this kay ryan poem out of my head...


Stations

As the
veldt dries,
the great cats
range farther
to drink,
their paths
looping past
this or that
ex-oasis.
However long
the water's
been gone,
no places
are missed:
despite thirst,
every once-
deep pool
is rehearsed.
It's strange
the way our
route can't be
straightened:
how some
cruel faith
keeps the
stations.


enjoy your weekend.

take a breath, beth

it feels like i'm always at work lately. i know that it isn't true, but it feels that way. and when i work weekends and erik works weeks, it means there are few adventures happening. not to mention that every evening, one of the two of us is exhausted and the other wants to get out and do something... it isn't the smoothest arrangement for sure.

i'm going to be increasing my role at the bookstore once again... a behind-the-scenes sort of job that i think will suit me, but still worries me. last summer i worked two jobs and NEVER, NEVER had any time for myself. i refuse to do that again. but if i'm going to have control over this work schedule, i need to be brave enough to stand up for myself. wish me luck.


today, during my second work day of the day, a couple came in to the shop up at red ridge. they were visiting from l.a. and when i asked them what brought them to the dundee hills, they said "we just needed to get away." i've been feeling that way lately too. it wouldn't take much. a day at the coast. a nice hike somewhere. time to hang out with erik without other things hanging over us.

soon. it'll happen soon. in the meantime, i'm enjoying pictures of other people's escapes.

b

overzealous? maybe. overbudget? definitely.

so... i don't know about you, but recently my "plant things!! !!!" urge has been running out of control. when this happens, it also tends to mean other things get out of control. this morning i logged on to my bank accounts and i saw exactly how out of control...

turns out all of that compost, potting soil, plant start, flowers, herbs, and seed, and "what to do with all of this" book buying has made a dent. my bank also has this great little thing online that tracks and categorizes your purchases and then makes terrifying bar graphs and pie charts to show you how you've been mis-spending your money. it even has budget recommendations and says in VERY large font size if you're living within your means or not. lovely. useful. yikes. it appears that i have already managed to go over my budget for the month. oops. i blame it on the plants.

how could i pass these sorts of things up though?

lovely dianthus

spitfire climbing nasturtiums

climbing black-eyed susans

not to mention the lovage, peppermint, hot pink geranium, parsley, arugula, and much more. mmm. my balcony will be pretty (and probably groaning under the weight of everything), but i can't spend any more money on planting things this month.

b

summertime plans

hold parties like this one.

evening cocktail hour. perhaps try making some of these.

suntea.

bicycle adventures.

frisbees.

b

today

feeling inspired by 3191 Q:

drinking a dirty chai.

bought some beautiful, well-loved books including:


really looking forward to reading this one. his first book was incredible.

took a walk. the camas is starting to bloom.

reflecting on some great conversations with the guy who wrote this.

listening to old mixes gifted by friends.

took pictures of (mostly) bare oak trees against a blue sky.

also, this video. thanks, erik.

good day.

b

realization

i had a small but good realization today: i am content with my work schedule, for the first time in a long while. this morning i did my little bit of work for trade at the bookstore, and realized that i was happy not to be working there anymore. since i was so unhappy leaving, i think this is a healthy shift. also today, i spent several hours in union block, as i am apt to do on days when i work on the slow food blog, and i realized that i am also glad that i'm not working there anymore. i'm glad to be working somewhere that isn't a place i hang out in normally. i'm glad to be working out of town, closer to the countryside that i miss living in. i'm glad to be working in the food field again. i'm glad to be reading gardening books and learning to make planting schedules, and making long lists of new agriculture books i want to read. i'm glad to be inspired to cook again. i'm glad that it's spring (sort of) and that i have summer to look forward to. i'm glad that i don't struggle to wake up every single morning anymore. i'm glad that erik and i are living here for a while still, in this beautiful valley, and that we're going on bike rides together.

so many things to be glad for.

only one thing i wish i was doing more of: writing. something not on one of my blogs, but in an honest to goodness notebook, something of poetry form.

b


ps> i kind of want to start a new, visual project. maybe something like this: http://littlepostcards.blogspot.com/

routine

i've always known that i like routine. i usually eat at the same times every day, and maintaining a regular bedtime definitely helps me feel less crazy. i liked my college schedule a lot because i always knew what i was supposed to be doing with the various chunks of my day. even better than college was how, when i was living at home, daily chores were the basis of everyone's schedule: the animals shaped it with their morning feeding, lunchtime feeding, night time feeding... it breaks the day up into manageable three or four hour pieces, gives it all a sense of rhythm.


without these outside structures, and with a slightly-crazy, always-changing work schedule, i've been struggling lately to reestablish a routine. some weekends i'm gone all day, others for just a few hours in the middle. sometimes i don't work at all during the week, and have to find creative ways to fill my time and stay productive. without a real, pressing reason to get up in the morning, it's easy to stay in bed too long. without an obvious conclusion to the day, it's all too easy to eat dinner at 9:30 at night (have you noticed yourself doing this since the time change? i sure have been...). it all circles back around to that discipline thing i've talked about before, and my general lack thereof.

one morning routine that i have been practicing lately is this: wake up pretty early (around 5:30 lately--the birds are really loud!). the alarm goes off at 6:30 and i listen to erik trundle through his morning routine. then i get up, early-ish still (usually no later than eight). i don't bother taking a shower unless i'm heading to work, bundle up (it's been pretty chilly recently), and put the kettle on. grind up my coffee and fill the french press. let it steep while i make oatmeal or pour some granola over my yogurt. then i sit down at the kitchen table and read. i've been resisting turning on the radio or listening to music: i just sip and sit there with my book and my pencil. it's really therapeutic.

i like spending my mornings this way. it is really nice not to feel rushed in the morning, and this way i even get some quiet time before heading to work. it's nice to start the day with someone else's thoughts, not my own: i've learned that writing early in the morning is too taxing for me. i need a little time to warm up and get my juices flowing. early afternoon seems the best time to tackle that. i'm thinking that come summertime and mornings that don't make me shiver, i might change to green tea in the mornings, rather than coffee.

hooray for routines, and saner-feeling days.

b

pretty things

bob marley playing in the sunshine.
apple-patterned notebooks.
w.s. merwin.
collections at 3191.
delicate silver jewelry from elephantine.
rainbow-colored recycled leather journals from kate's paperie.
footed mug from back creek pottery.
people opening doors for each other at the cafe.
bicycles.
scottish shortbread.
getting a few photos printed.


in the past two weeks or so i have rearranged a good portion of my apartment, planted seeds for the garden, invested in herb plants for my balcony, started a new writing notebook, and rescued some branches from the park to decorate the living room. today, i'm going to take the first steps to have a few of my photos printed so that i can work on framing them and finding them a venue. why not, right?

the other day i wrote a really long, totally incoherent and rambling journal entry about struggling to justify my enjoyment of pretty things and making them, because (1) they are things, (2) some of them are dubious in origin, and (3) shouldn't i be simplifying and de-cluttering, rather than collecting more things?

i know that i am prone to clinging to things... objects that i bring home because they are pretty (weeds from the ditch, unusually shaped jars, yet another colorful mug); old items of clothing or paper that i don't really use, but have some memory associated with them; piles of magazines that i keep on hand for "inspiration," but don't do much more with. i have so many little collections hanging around. erik regularly reminds me that every time he clears a space around the house, i tend to fill it with something. this is distressing for his clutter-hating soul, and i feel guilty when my stuff starts sprawling all over the place, leaving him (and myself) very little clear space in which to breathe.

i think that i hang on to these little bits of prettiness because i am as equally prone to losing sight of them, as i am prone to bring them into my cluttered house. i don't know if this is a reasonable justification or not, but i'm going to stick with it for a bit. i do a lot of reading and thinking about issues that are scary and overwhelming--global warming, poverty, insecurity of food systems, my own little future. so i surround myself with pretty little things that remind me why i should keep caring. these are bits of the world that are worth keeping around: daffodils and pretty paper to send notes on, cake pans to bake things and thermoses to keep things warm, thoughts and photos that can point out what i find beautiful in the world, books to share with friends.

some things are worth hanging on to, but the recent post on 3191 encouraged me not to cling to my collections too much. it's probably time to take down the thistles and other dried weeds i had in my winter window, and embrace flowers and tins cans planted with lettuce for the spring. i don't need to save every piece of paper i ever wrote anything on, ever. i can shrink my dishes collections to just the ones i use regularly. i can get rid of those extra pairs of shoes and shirts that don't quite fit anymore. not only is it simplifying, it is making room for newer and better things that reflect how i feel right now, rather than three months ago. healthier, yes?

and anything that makes more room for sunshine and inspiration is good.

b


ps> here are a few of the pictures i'm having printed. what do you think?


"edges"


"decay"


"angled"


"outlook"


"opal"